This is a question I’ve asked myself since my early teens. I feel like I’m always on the lookout. Who is he? Where is he? Is he in front of me in line at the grocery store? Is he sitting next to me in class? Is he facebook chatting me? Is he singing next to me at church? Frankly, it’s pathetic. But if I’m being honest, it’s a question that is always, always, lingering in the back of my mind. And I feel like I’m not the only one. As a single, 20-something girl, I want to know who my husband will be.
I’ve been reflecting a lot about this lately. Why do I feel this way? This is not how I want to live my life. Was I made this way? Partially, yes. As a woman, a human and complete extrovert, I was made for relationship with others. I hate that sometimes. I wish I could live all alone my whole life and be completely satisfied. But I can’t. It’s not possible.
I also think, besides being made this way, our culture has infused into us this idea that if we aren’t in relationship, our life is not worth living. Turn on the radio for 10+ minutes, and I guarantee you that 3/4 of the songs will be about relationships with someone of the opposite sex. Flip through channels on the TV, and almost all will deal with relationships with someone of the opposite sex. Flip through some magazines, pick up a fictional book and guess what you’ll see? Yep, something to do with relationships with someone of the opposite sex. It’s like I can’t get away from it.
And while I may be made for relationship, it doesn’t mean I was made to get married, at least not right now. So why am I so anxious about it? I think partially it’s fear of being alone for the rest of my life. I think partially it’s feeling of inadequacy. But here’s the thing, THESE ARE ALL LIES!
I am not inadequate. I am good enough.
I will not, contrary to common misconception, be alone for the rest of my life, even if I don’t get married.
And, I already am in a divine romance. I am already loved.
I already have my boyfriend, just not in the way our culture sees it.
Who is he?
“I am he,” said Jesus. “You don’t have to wait any longer or look any further.” -John 4:26 (msg)
I am he! I heard this verse last week at Catalyst, and it made me audibly gasp. This is who I’ve been looking for! He’s already here, right in front me, in line with me at the grocery store, sitting with me at class, singing with me at church. I no longer have look any further or wait. I’ve got it!
I know it sounds so weird, but I really believe that Jesus was made to be my boyfriend. Scratch that, that I was made to be his girlfriend, that I was made to be the bride of Christ.
One of my favorite blogs, the Good Women Project, put it this way:
I’m living this adventure of seeking God and keeping my eyes only on him. He’s been showing me crazy things and taking me to places I never imagined I would go. I am completely fulfilled in him. I don’t need anyone else and I love that.
We are not independent beings. We were created to fill a hole in our heart. But what most people don’t understand is that it can’t be filled with a guy or girl. It is to be filled by God, our creator. When hole is filled, you will know it. It’s the most fulfilling thing out there.
So I already have my partner. I’m not saying I don’t want to get married.
That is one of my greatest desires.
But it doesn’t control me.
It’s not in my hands, it’s in His.
And that’s better than my plan could ever, or will ever, be.